


I haven't met the new me, yet.

by latewinternight



Category: God's Own Country (2017)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-16 09:14:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29079945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/latewinternight/pseuds/latewinternight
Summary: Sometimes Johnny just feels like lying down and let his thoughts take over.
Relationships: Gheorghe Ionescu/Johnny Saxby
Comments: 8
Kudos: 31





	I haven't met the new me, yet.

Gheorghe was sure that he saw Johnny’s eyes got misty when they were done, with dinner and now they were doing the dishes. But he didn’t want to prod just yet knowing, Johnny might lash out.

Johnny, on the other hand, was feeling everything and nothing at the same time. There he was, scrubbing this pan with the dishwasher sponge for the last five minutes because this goddamn pan was so fucking dirty and the stains were not just taking the name of getting washed off quickly. And somehow his eyes filling with hot tears was not making this any better. Somehow when he did manage to wash the dishes, he was off to his room.

This happens with him sometimes, when his head is full of various thoughts and memories and he feels like shite. Not that he doesn’t always feel like this, but in times like these it just increases tenfold. But there is no way to stop this, the only thing he can do is just feel it and continue with his shite day. Well, at least that’s what he was told in that group therapy thing he went to. But he hasn’t yet learned how to do that, he hasn’t yet learned to just completely feel his emotions. Because even now, he is just asking himself again and again as to why he is  _ sad.  _ Why can’t he stop his negative thoughts? His life is much better now, Gheorghe was with him, Dad was doing fine and even told him that he was doing good at the farm, Nan had stopped sighing worriedly or disappointedly at Johnny, and in some ways or the other, he had started getting over  _ mam  _ too. Still, he just couldn’t comprehend why he was feeling the way he was. Maybe happiness is not the ultimate thing that he will get at the end, only the snippets of it. Suddenly, he remembered how he used to lay like this in his bed for hours after his mother left. He was feeling cold, and the old wound in his heart was aching again. 

He had been lying there for some time now, maybe ten minutes or ten hours, he wasn’t sure. He hears the door of his room open, then but he doesn’t say anything. Not until he felt the mattress dip a little as Gheorghe crawled over to him, he kept his hands on either side of Johnny’s head before leaning down and kissing him on both of his cheeks. 

“Again?” he asked, softly before placing a kiss just above Johnny’s eyebrow.

“Yes.”

Of course, Gheorghe knew about this, about this dark thing that sometimes takes over Johnny’s mind. Which tells Johnny some horrible things he doesn’t deserve. And Gheorghe also knows that he can’t do anything to stop that thing, instead, he can only be patient and be there for John. So he kisses John on his forehead before lying down beside him.

Maybe this thing will go on forever or maybe, it will heal later on, but now at least, John doesn’t have to go through it alone. He squirms closer to Gheorghe as the other man brings the blanket closer around both of them. Today was not a good day, but it will get better. Time has not run out just yet. There are still many chances for things to get better.

**Author's Note:**

> I am still new to writing fanfic on God's own Country and I am scared. Feedback will be much appreciated :)


End file.
